FRIEND SLOP v2.0: RISE OF THE GOON

This one's huge. I rebuilt a lot of the game over the past month and kept adding stuff, so here's all of it. This is just a small taste of what’s to come in the next week or two! I’ve been grinding!

NEW CLASS: THE DOOMER
Hoodie, beanie, headphones, and a rain cloud that follows him around. The Doomer pays HP for everything and gets scarier the closer he is to dying. He's got 11 cards of his own:

• Nothing Matters hits hard and costs you 3 HP.

• Sad Vibes trades HP for energy.

• Rock Bottom does more damage the more HP you're missing.

• Embrace the Void gives you strength every turn while it slowly kills you.

• Midnight Thoughts turns every bit of HP you spend into strength.

• Doom Loop heals you for half the damage it deals, so you can actually stay alive.

• Bedrot blocks more when you're low.

He starts with the Doomer Beanie (+3 attack damage below half HP) and has his own divine card, Mastery 5 boon, and win achievement. Have fun being miserable.

EVERYTHING IS DRAWN NOW
No more three letters in a box. All 52 enemies, every boss, and all four classes have real art that blinks, talks, and idles. Bosses change as they go through their phases:

• Chad Supreme gets more jacked.

• GPT-INFINITY glitches out and breaks its chains.

• The Cursed Emoji Lord melts, then turns into a void.

On top of that, all 184 cards have their own illustrated scene. Every card is a little joke about what it does, starring the game's own characters. Yap is a guy yapping at a Reply Guy. Cope is a guy in a blanket burrito hitting a COPIUM inhaler. Thicc Skin is the Gooner in an inflatable sumo suit. Go look at them in the Codex.

NEW BOSS: THE ENGAGEMENT FARM
A shelf of phones with a ring light for a head. It stuffs Rage Bait into your deck (drains 1 HP a turn until you draw it), goes viral in phase 2, and starts healing itself in phase 3. Save your burst.

6 NEW ENEMIES
Reply Guy, Push Notification, Thread Guy, Quote Tweeter, Podcast Bro, and Shadowban Bot. Some of them can now shove junk cards into your deck or heal, so fights don't all play the same anymore.

ENDLESS MODE Beat the final boss and you can keep going. Loop 2 is a fresh map with new bosses, and every loop after that makes enemies tougher (+30% HP and +1 STR each loop). Your score keeps counting the whole way. If you die in a loop, you still keep the win you already earned. Daily, weekly, and party runs stay single loop so nobody cheeses the leaderboards.

ASCENSION 6 TO 10 Five new ascension levels for the sweats. Normal enemies get beefier, rest sites heal less, every fight starts with junk in your deck, enemies hit harder, and at A10 bosses get 40% more HP. Beat A5 to start climbing again.

CURSE CARDS ARE ACTUALLY FUN NOW The old curses were all "-30% HP" type stuff. The 12 new ones change how you play:

• NPC Mode: you can't see what enemies are about to do.

• Mystery Box: card rewards are face down. Pick blind.

• Skill Issue: max 4 cards a turn.

• Echo Chamber: every third turn, enemies act twice.

• Lag: your first card each turn costs 1 more.

• Doomscroll: draw 2 extra, but lose HP for every card left in your hand.

• Main Character Syndrome: you deal 40% more damage and take 40% more.

• Hexed: you start the run with curse cards in your deck.

• Plus a few more, including Push Notifications On, Ragebaited, The Algorithm's Favorite, and Inflation.

Plant them on your friends' run codes. They stack.

There are also 5 new curse cards that actually do something instead of just draining HP:

• Hot Potato: burns you if it's still in your hand at the end of your turn. Pay 1 energy to toss it.

• Intrusive Thought: makes you discard a random card when you draw it.

• Brain Fog: sticks in your hand and costs you draws.

• Got Ratio'd: buffs the enemy when you draw it.

• Credit Card Debt: takes 12 gold after every fight.

Also, if you bought Speedrun or Die, Locked In, or Terminally Online from the shop: part of each one never actually worked. That's fixed…. Sorry about that!

NEW SOUNDTRACK AND SOUND EFFECTS Every screen has its own track now: menu, map, one fight theme per act, elites, bosses, and the shop. Fight music builds up when the enemy is almost dead, and boss music ramps up with every phase. Tracks unlock in the new Jukebox tab in the Codex as you hear them.

Every sound effect got rebuilt too:

• Hits scale with damage: a 30 damage hit sounds way heavier than a 4.

• Getting hit sounds different from hitting. Before, they were the exact same sound.

• Stereo: your stuff plays on the left, the enemy's on the right.

• New sounds for debuffs, enemy heals, boss phase changes, junk landing in your deck, and drawing curse cards.

FRAMES AND THE LOCKER
All 44 profile frames got redone from scratch. The neon ones are actual neon tubes now, Divine Overlord has wings, Absolute Sigma has a wolf walking along the top, and Cursed Century is a whole Roman centurion. Everything you already bought is still yours.

The avatar editor is gone and replaced by the Locker, where you change your face, color, frame, and title in one place with a live preview. Achievement titles and bought titles are one list now, and whatever you pick actually shows up on the leaderboard.

CARDS
New card frames. You can tell attacks, skills, and powers apart at a glance, and rares, legendaries, and divines finally look like it. Each class also got 5 new cards (Pickup Line, Mewing, Thicc Skin, and friends), and about 30% of your card rewards now come from your own class.

14 NEW EVENTS
32 total now:

• The Podcast Invite

• Gym Bro Spotter

• Mewing Tutorial

• Touch Grass IRL

• Sketchy Link

• Hot Potato Challenge

• A tour of a certain phone farm

• And more

Some have class specific options.

RELICS
Honestly this should've been fixed a long time ago. 12 relics weren't doing what they said, and some did nothing at all:

• Chat Summoner, Omega Node, Paradox Pouch, Slop Jar, and Slop Monolith now actually work.

• Conspiracy Map now shows your mid-boss and final boss on the map.

• Tin Foil Hat adds an "it's a psyop" option to events.

• Flex Cam, Green Screen, Microphone, Mog Trophy, and Red String also do what their descriptions say now.

• Relic set bonuses were half broken. Gigachad's damage bonus and Streamer Kit's gold bonus now apply, and Schizo Meta gives energy every turn instead of just turn 1.

• Lore Leash only gives the extra draw on turn 1, like it says.

There are also 14 new relics:

• Verified Badge: enemies start every fight Vulnerable.

• Lag Switch: the first enemy attack each fight misses.

• Doomscroll Thumb: extra draw, but it adds junk to your deck.

• Mewing Tape: block from 0 cost cards.

• Gym Membership: heal after every win.

• Black Coffee: block whenever a card costs you HP.

• Ratio: your first attack each fight hits double.

• First Impression: bonus damage against full-HP enemies.

• Adblock: blocks the first junk shuffle each fight.

• Receipts: block when you get debuffed.

• Cancel Culture: halves enemy healing.

• Copium Tank: leftover energy becomes block.

• Screen Time Report: extra draws every third turn.

• Death Grip: extra energy when you're almost dead.

FIXES AND OTHER STUFF

• Achievements only pop once per account now. Before, stuff like First Blood popped every single run and paid out tokens every time. That's fixed.

• Menus scroll properly now, and every screen opens at the top instead of wherever you left the last one.

• The whole hand fits on screen at small window sizes and on Steam Deck.

• Bosses were skipping some of their phase 1 moves. They don't anymore.

• Unplayable cards show an X instead of "-1".

• The map won't crash anymore if the server hiccups while loading ghost runs.

• The download is about 155 MB smaller.

• Fonts and emoji are built into the game now, so they look the same on every PC, even offline.

HEADS UP
Seeds roll differently in 2.0, so a run code from the old version won't give you the same run anymore. Make sure your friends update before you race a seed.

More content is coming in a patch soon expect to see that within a week or two. Thanks for playing, I really appreciate the support!